Ten really dumb observations

Thank you for your forbearance as I attempt to prove that an idle mind does not preclude a productive life. 

Why is ‘wise guy’ a pejorative?
I blame the Three Stooges for sullying the concept. 

Maybe:
1. Why is it that we can send a man to the moon but cannot make the referee’s microphone work at football games?


2. When you ask your stockbroker about the market’s direction, must he respond, “Your guess is as good as mine?” Because if my guess is as good as his… you get the gist. Brokers are also fond of saying, “I don’t have a crystal ball.” And I’m fond of retorting that he could simply invert a goldfish bowl.


3. Why isn’t a citizen of New Zealand called a New Zealot?


4. Why does Donald Duck wear a sailor suit? I see nothing nautical in his performance or demeanor. If he’s a sailor, let’s see him weave a lanyard or toss a rope.


5. Why are there towns named Jasper in Georgia, Tennessee, Florida and Alberta? (The latter is in Canada so it’s probably full of Eskimos.)


6. We’re not affronted by decapitations and gore in movies, yet we are socially affronted by mismatched socks or a lady’s slip showing. Imagine: A couple exiting the theater: “You’re worried about my socks? We just saw a severed head.”


7. If you ask me, it should have been Johnson’s Life of Boswell instead of Boswell’s Life of Johnson. Johnson was the reigning intellectual bully of 18th century London whereas Boswell, a Scot, was a gentleman who somehow found himself in Johnson’s thrall.


8. Why is ‘wise guy’ a pejorative? I blame the Three Stooges for sullying the concept. Wisdom is to be coveted, not cited as justification for an eye gouge.


9. If all Will Rogers knew was what he read in the papers, why was he regarded as a sage?

10. An idle mind is not the devil’s playground. An idle mind is more like the devil’s green room on Jerry Springer.


And here’s an idle thought bonus: Bet somebody that if he flew 1500 miles due south from Atlanta, Ga., he’d be over the Pacific Ocean. You’ll win the bet!