You’ve heard these before, usually as preface to an unwanted conversation. Here’s how to fight back:
Cliché: We need to talk! Response: No we don’t!
Cliché: There’s good news and bad news. Which do you want first? Response: First a double martini; second, the good news; third, a refill.
Cliché: My pet did the cutest thing. Response: Sorry, my doctor says I can’t listen to pet stories. It’s a medical thing.
Cliché: There’s something I need to get off my chest. Response: And I’d love to hear it but I have an appointment in Oklahoma City, Ok.
Cliché: Viewers may find the following footage disturbing. Response: Then don’t show it, you condescending gargoyle.
Cliché: May I offer you some constructive criticism? Response: No, but perhaps you’d care to wrestle?
Cliché: Shall I be frank? Response: Absolutely NOT!
Cliché: May I see your driver’s license? Response: May I see that strange hat you’re wearing? (More laughs are what cops need.)
Cliché: I saw the best movie. It starts out…” Response: By all means tell me the entire story. Spare no detail. I have all day. Is there popcorn?
Cliché: You know what drives me nuts? Response: With me it’s brain cell deterioration.
And finally America’s single most devastating conversation preface: “I don’t like to spread gossip…” And of course gossip will follow. Just be as kind as you can.
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