If the Occupy Wall Street crowd ran America

What a swell bunch they are. Befouling parks. Throwing intellectual tantrums in the name of indicting capitalism.
So, you demonstrators are angry? Well I’m angry too. But I’m trying to channel it constructively with a few minor cultural adjustments that might appeal to the disaffected:
How about a Capitalists versus Anarchists softball game?
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Demonstrators could go to the homes of people they think make too much money. They’d be invited to come in and take showers.
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At the Pentagon, the Joint Chiefs could calm the national mood by refashioning themselves as an encounter group called Guys Sharing Their Feelings.
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Walmart could soften its proto-Goliath image by secretly referring to customers as “aisle bunnies.”
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Educators could name schools something trendy and accessible like Knowledge Barn.
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Washington could humanize the budgetary process by rechristening it “Fun With Numbers.”
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The Wall Street Journal could more fully embrace the proletariat by renaming itself The Bowery Fishwrap.
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Here’s a concept: free air travel on DOT Airlines. Everybody’d assume it stands for Department of Transportation. Nope. Delay On the Tarmac. If takeoff is achieved, the flight will go nowhere, thus reflecting the inchoate goals of Occupy Wall Street.
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How about renaming the Chicago Bears something more fervently anti-capitalist, like the Chicago Baboons?
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Next time there’s a demonstration, let bankers and brokers emerge from their skyscrapers and talk informally to demonstrators. Couldn’t hurt.
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In short, the demonstrators have the semblance of a point: capitalism isn’t perfect and can be ludicrously excessive. But, if you attack it, do so with logic and maybe even compassion. Making a nuisance of yourself isn’t enough.
[For more of the same, visit Alan’s blog, www.essentialba.com]