That I should not say foolish things

On the eve of the Gettysburg Address, citizens of Gettysburg crowded Lincoln’s boarding house asking for a few remarks. Replied the President, “I have no speech to make. In my position it is somewhat important that I should not say foolish things.”
Same for all of us, if you ask me. Here are some iterations I wish I hadn’t iterated:
You went to Purdue? Did you by any chance know Dean Halstead? What a clown!... Oh really, your father?
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Yo, officer, Smokey the Bear called. He wants his hat back.
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You want the truth? Okay, yes, it makes you look fat. Like a gigantic Bedouin tent. Now may I watch the game?
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Yeah, sure, if you’re ever in town give me a call!... Oh, you are in town.
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Look, I’m not gonna spend money on a professional clown for a birthday party. I’ll do it myself. What can go wrong?
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Tige Rafferty? He’s dead isn’t he? Oh! Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Rafferty.
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Of course I can order in French. No snooty waiter’s gonna show me up.
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Yes I know you’re chairman of the board, but if I gave you a mulligan I’d have to give everyone a mulligan.
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Look, I’ve seen these hypnotist acts before. They’re phony. There’s no way he can make me cluck like a chicken or whatever.
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How can you say I’m uncultured? I really liked La Boheme! But, come on, you see one opera you’ve seen ’em all.